Anonymous: I received a kiss from a parrot birb at niagra falls ten years ago and now am MUCH FOOF and green and pink in the hair area. the pink GLOWS underneath UV light. I am wondering if this is a delayed reaction to the birb smooch and am I now Peter Parker, but instead of SpiderMan ParrotWoman??

importantbirds:

You have becam the Grande Responsible adn now must gain powers of can bite a thign and upsideown with hold on with a toes

yeah-ditto-obvs:

literally all i want is to fall asleep on someone

that’s it

that’s all

i’m very tired and i want to lay my head on someone’s stomach and have them run their fingers through my hair and sleep

hawk-and-handsaw:

It’s 2089. all cops have been replaced by genetically modified dogs that let children pet them, help old ladies cross the street, chase down criminals, never eat donuts, bark at cat-callers, analyze dna, easily track down murders, pee on white collar criminals, and tear the faces off of rapists. utopia has been reached. 

worldpeaces:

do you ever just want to hold someone in your arms for about 37 years

(Source: worldpeaces)